just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize