I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
