I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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