If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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