Jerry, you need to find god
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
