Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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