: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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