Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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