I didn't shave. On purpose
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
