I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
It's just like the Real World with babies
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
