SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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