so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We had sex on a dog bed..
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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