Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
