He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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