meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
