Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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