I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
