I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
