I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
