sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
