I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I checked into jail on foursquare
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
