last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
