Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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