He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My feet surprised me
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