he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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