im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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