I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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