Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.