nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.