On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
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So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
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Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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