Texts From Last Night

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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time

  (1-763): View more from Minnesota

  Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.

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  (763): So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time (1-763): Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother. http://tfl.nu/6l4l
  Replies (29) Good night (1065) Bad night (2628)
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  (905): View more from Toronto

  So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises

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  (905): So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises http://tfl.nu/ed2j
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Her vagina should come with caution tape.

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  (248): Her vagina should come with caution tape. http://tfl.nu/ca9x
  Replies (9) Good night (655) Bad night (4353) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule

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  (512): got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule http://tfl.nu/94hw
  Replies (16) Good night (6815) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I want you more than these girls want KFC

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  (604): I want you more than these girls want KFC http://tfl.nu/a34i
  Replies (37) Good night (3637) Bad night (756) Order T-Shirt
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  (916): View more from California

  They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.

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  (916): They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door. http://tfl.nu/s1xt
  Replies (23) Good night (6182) Bad night (833) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.

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  (310): So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he. http://tfl.nu/52vb
  Replies (51) Good night (14845) Bad night (2233) Order T-Shirt
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one

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  (803): just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one http://tfl.nu/7c6m
  Replies (12) Good night (3888) Bad night (1358) Order T-Shirt
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore

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  (502): I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore http://tfl.nu/n25p
  Replies (37) Good night (6438) Bad night (1186)
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  (631): View more from New York

  You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows

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  (631): You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows http://tfl.nu/rci2
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?

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  (815): How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back? http://tfl.nu/7gwj
  Replies (5) Good night (1323) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....

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  (267): I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa.... http://tfl.nu/2i55
  Replies (6) Good night (2356) Bad night (496) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  "Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.

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  (301): "Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there. http://tfl.nu/ru2o
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.

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  (937): I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem. http://tfl.nu/odx7
  Replies (22) Good night (1362) Bad night (358) Order T-Shirt
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.

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  (+61): I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in. http://tfl.nu/ilgv
  Replies (9) Good night (2862) Bad night (411) Order T-Shirt

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