4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
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Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
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I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....