omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
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i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
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He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.