O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
