Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
