maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
