There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
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Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
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We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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