Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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