Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My ass is underappreciated
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
