we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I AM VODKA MAN
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
i think my cat just said my name.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
