he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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