We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize