The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
