She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
