My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
