Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He did a backflip because drugs
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