Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
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