the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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