I accidentally had phone sex last night
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
