You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
