so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
