When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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