so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
