I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
