GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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