yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
