You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
