omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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