The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
