i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize