is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
