Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
