she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
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I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
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I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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