I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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