Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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