i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
