He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
