I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
